Shot Me
by LookAtAlllTheLeavesInTheFire
Summary: Beca was never one for hanging out with other girls. She had always been really awkward around other people. Beca Mitchell was the definition of socially awkward, always being the 3rd wheel. Even then it was always around guys.


**A/N: Like everything else I have written this is un beta'd and I hope you like it. Parts of this may or may not have been based off of personal...issues but we'll see how that goes. Ohh and feel free to use that review box down at the bottom... *wink***

* * *

Beca was never one for hanging out with other girls. She had always been really awkward around other people. Beca Mitchell was the definition of socially awkward, always being the 3rd wheel. Even then it was always around guys. She had a few girl friends, but they were only friends with her because they wanted to be first chair in band. (At least she got to be around music, being the Band President and all.)

By the time she hit junior year almost everybody she used to hang out with had either dropped out, got expelled or just didn't like to hang out with dark and heavily guarded short girls such as herself. They blocked her out just like she blocked in her emotions.

When she got to senior year, she couldn't stand touching any other person. She was self-conscious and any self esteem she had was quickly diminishing. She didn't speak to anybody unless somebody talked to her first. She wasn't bullied, thankfully. Instead she became a nobody. Invisible to anybody who she used to know. If they knew her name they knew far too much about her.

It became normal for her to lock herself in her room and do nothing but work on her new found love: music. She was becoming a hermit but for her, that was okay. There was nothing she wanted more than to just sit down in the comfort in her own room, close her eyes and take in every aspect of the music. All the base note and all the background melody. She had a special place in her heart for the songs that layered over itself four or five times.

The day she started college, she had to vow to talk to someone, or at least make one friend. "Hey, you must be Kimmy Jin. I'm Beca."

It was the first conversation she had started (or at least tried to start) since the October of 2011. But of course the one time she had tried to open up, she was already blocked out.

At first she felt nothing when she saw the rather peppy readhead at the activities fair. Just as they always had, her emotional block-outs did their job.

Beca didn't even think of Chloe for the first month. It was just another month of mixes and pretending to pay attention in class. She had managed however, to get a job at the radio station where the boy that sang to her in a Toyota happens to work, too. But the change from quiet to having a life was still slow. Silent became part of her being a long time ago.

Those few minutes in the shower with Chloe had only felt awkward. There wasn't a two way spark. Chloe must have felt something because of the way she looked at Beca. Admittedly, when you stick two people in the same room and let them see each other naked there is a bonding experience happening. Whether Beca liked it or not, Chloe was going to be a long-lasting friend. As uncomfortable as the whole situation was, the full image was burned deep within her mind. Chloe's details may not be in the forefront of her mind, but they're in there somewhere. Every little detail.

Most of her talking was done during the Bellas practice. The group was like a summer camp. You just love them to death, but you don't hesitate when it's time to go home.

The days became harder and harder with the semester finals and Aubrey's constant yelling and screaming. Chloe always tried to cheer up the new recruits by claiming the yelling was only because she 'sincerely cared about all of them.' But Beca would have none of that.

Beca made a big mistake, though. One evening after another Bella practice, Beca decided to make a pit-stop at one of the starbucks that was by the west entrance. Apparently so had Chloe and Aubrey.

"Oh! Hey Beca! You excited for regionals? Two weeks!" Chloe smiled brightly and Aubrey didn't even bother to look up.

"Yeah. I guess... No, not really." Beca shrugged in response.

"Oh shit!" Aubrey suddenly jumped up. "Sorry, Chloe! I have a paper due Monday. See you later." She didn't acknowledge Beca at all.

Chloe waved to the already closing door. "Kay bye!" She turned back to Beca. "Hey it's a pretty nice night, you wanna go somewhere a little more scenic?"

"Uh, Okay. Sure. Whatever you want."

Chloe walked to the nearby fountain. They had talked for a little, but Chloe shut herself up when she realized she was blabbing. That was about the time Beca started to feel something. It wasn't much, since the energy her coffee gave her dulled it out a bit.

"Good night" Beca didn't know what she was feeling, but whatever it was felt too right. Something was wrong.

As the days wore on, Beca was seeing Chloe around campus more and more...And that may or may not be because she was keeping an eye out for her. Everyday it was the same place at the same time. Morning: Chloe on her way to her first class. Lunch: Chloe sitting at the cafe on the east end of campus. Afternoon: Beca passes right by her on their way back to her dorms. Then theres Bellas practice, but nothing changed there. (Well, maybe Aubrey was getting on their cases more often with Regionals looming right ahead.) On the rare occasion that Chloe was not where she usually was, caused Beca to panic a little and worry that Chloe died or something. It actually bothered Beca that Chloe pretty much ignored her outside of Bella practice.

After Aubrey finally 'forgave' Beca for getting herself arrested, and Nationals went haywire it was safe to say that the next time the two met, blood will be shed. She wanted to ask Chloe but for some reason she asked Amy instead. Everybody knows that advice from Amy is never good advice. Thankfully she kept her jokes away from her review on her Bulletproof-The Sign improv. When Aubrey declared that she had told Chloe that Beca was never a Bella to begin with a flip switched in her brain. Chloe would agree with her. She always did. But not this time. It was one of the only times Beca felt noticed by the ginger. And she loved it.

Spring break made things worse. Without having any classes to bury herself in, decided it was the perfect time to have a thoughtful talk with his daughter. She was so sure he'd support her attempt to help them win.

But nope. "Who set it in your mind that it would be okay to change the set? It wasn't necessary or planned, obviously. The look on Audrey's-"

"Aubrey," Beca corrected.

"The look on _Aubrey's_ face. You should know better than this."

Beca rolled her eyes. "So you're taking her side too? I was trying to help." Then she realized trying could never help. She realized that speaking up only made things worse.

"If you had told them! You can't keep blocking everybody out!" Beca was stunned. Her dad never said anything about her solidarity. She thought he was fine with it.

"Don't take it too personally. I blocked everybody out." She let that settle. "No, you know what, nevermind. _Do_ take that personally. You drove her away from us." He looked at her and sighed. "Sorry for ever trying."

"Beca! You aren't _trying_!" She opened her mouth to speak but closed it again because started talking again. "Are you even listening to me?"

She looked down at the counter. Of course she was listening, but she wasn't hearing.

"I really hope you're over your DJ phase." Beca's eyes widened and she gave him a pleading glare. "I'll be coming over in two days."

Beca was horrified. Without speaking she held her mouth slightly open and stood up from the stool. He looked serious. She shook her head slowly and started backing away with slow and tiny steps. Beca felt like she was staring into the eyes of a monster. "I'm... not your daug...hter then..." She made a break for it, slamming the door behind her and not looking back.

Beca ran face first into her door, forgetting it was locked. Kimmy Jin opened it, probably thinking the thump was somebody else. To the potential serial killers displeasure, Beca sat down dramatically at her desk and wasted no time getting right down to business. She needed to get as many mixes as she could get done in the next 48 hours or so help her. She only dared to leave her chair for food or to use the bathroom.

"Dad! Dad no!" She screamed as her father personally lifted everything onto a cart that's used to carry the students belongings in the beginning of the year. "Dad! You can't do this to me! Please! Stop it! _DAD_!" There were, believe it or not tears in her eyes.

"Focus of college, Beca." He told her, pushing the metal on wheels out the door.

"You treat me like a child. You don't show any respect for me." She regretted it even before she said it. "I hate you because of that." The door slammed at that was that. Beca's sanity was just carted out the door. "Fuck this." She sat down, put her dead down on her desk and cried like a little kid.

"Is Beca here?" A female voice asked after light knocking on the door.

"Headdesk." Kimmy Jin replied dryly.

A hand came down on Becas back. She didn't know who it was but they got a good punch. Her back is where she feels most vulnerable. Beca hates feeling vulnerable.

Chloe's hand shot up to her cheek, where Beca's fist made contact. "Ow! Beca! What the hell?" She looked at the ginger concerned but refused to say anything. If she couldn't speak music, she wouldn't speak at all.

"Where's all your stuff?" Chloe's tone made it seem like she was never hit to begin with. After Beca shook her head she put 2 and 2 together. Missing equipment, the one picture of her dad was face-down and the tears. She'd never seen Beca cry and didn't know how to react.

Beca avoided eye contact, instead she looked at her hands. They were pale and normal sized, maybe slightly skinny.

"Aw, Beca." Chloe opened her arms out wide and Beca stood up, not even sure why she was doing this. Putting her 'no-hugging-allowed' thing aside she stepped into Chloe's embrace. She wanted to 'thank [her] so much that she didn't even know.' Instead she remained wordless and just took in the hug. Her arms were just below Chloe's, and they were warm against Beca's cold skin. "Beca, you're so cold." She commented, hugging Beca even tighter. "It's okay, you don't have to talk about if you don't wanna. Just let it all out." She sobbed even harder. Beca wanted to stay in that moment forever, even if she had a tear soaked face. Who would have thought taking away a few pieces off her desk would have such an effect on her.

Having to hug Beca was not the original intent. Aubrey was still sulking about not getting into the ICCA's. She needed somebody to confide in after getting her nodes removed and she'd be damned if Beca turned her down, too. And she half did.

Beca was afraid she was starting to relapse, or maybe she'd never gotten better to begin with. Maybe she'd been lying to herself all this time And what's worse, she had been believing herself the whole time. But an even scarier feeling took over most of her senses. That unsettled feeling sat in her stomach and her heart just about stopped right before it took off beating faster. Her toes and fingertips felt funny. Her mind raced.

They had no idea how long they were standing there. 3 minutes? 5 minutes? 15? Either way, they were still hesitant before they let each others arms.

"You okay?" Beca just nodded. "You sure?" This time Beca glanced to her desk that was now occupied by a laptop and a cup of writing utensils. She sighed. Everything Beca used to escape with was taken away because she was 'defective.' At least thats what her step mother calls her.

But she was getting sick of it. She'd been faking smiles and forcing laughs for too long. Beca had become entirely dependent on her music. The most she thought about it, the lower she sank. Chloe watched as Beca's expressions changed as she tried to not cry. The world blurred and then cleared up, only to be repeated again.

"No. I'm not. But that's okay."

Chloe tilted her head and looked at Beca. "Excuse me?"

"I'm not okay. I never have been. This isn't normal for me."

The redhead nodded. "Yeah. Music is my life too..."

"No. Not like that. I can find other means of music. It's you. You aren't normal for me. You take the time to pretend you care, you smile at me, hell you actually acknowledge my existence. That's more than my own parents did for years. You aren't normal for me, Chloe because all I want to do is hug you and look into your eyes and I used to get really nervous before practice because you'd be there. I want to protect you from everything and spoil you. I would spend all my time and money trying to please you, Chloe." Beca hardly stopped to take a breath. "You aren't normal for me because I love you. It's not normal for me to love anybody."

"Beca I..." She didn't know what to say, "I don't know if I... I mean..."

"Dammit Beale!" Beca threw her hands in the air and sat back down.

"Ooh!" A random voice chimed. "Lets hear more!" Beca and Chloe whipped their heads to the other half of the room. Kimmy Jin had her elbows on her knees and had a weird look on her face. "I'm liking where this is going." Her voice was strangely high.

"What are you on?" Beca started, wiping her face with her sleeve. "And can I have some?" She added,

"Beca. A word?" Chloe gave Kimmy Jin 'the look' and motioned for Beca to follow her outside their dorm. "This is a big thing, Beca. But I can't help to..." She trailed off.

"Can't help to... What?"

"Kiss you."

* * *

**A/N: The ending feels really rushed to me, but I tried to get across what I was trying to say in the best way that I could. Thanks for reading!**


End file.
